ALMOST A MONTH'S WORTH

1. Like you didn't expect it to take three times as long and cost twice as much?
2. What's yours?
3. Hey, I'm building a better lobster here. Takes time.
4. Welcome to Moron Island. Know thyself.
5. There is no polite way to explain the obviously unexpected to the predictably oafish.
6. There is nothing I can put so plainly that you cannot fail to misunderstand.
7. Stupidity is easy. Idiocy takes work.
8. Procrastination. A virtue in the face of death.
9. Late for today, or early for tomorrow?
10. The White House needs your best.
11. Al Sharpton: World Hunger Spokesman
12. I'm saving my work ethic for my day off.
13. Incompetence is the mother of delegation.
14. The Zen Way of Eelery. Wriggling out of everything into the void.
15. My religion requires I observe the eight Sabbath week.
16. The math is correct. You owe me 52 days vacation if I do absolutely nothing all year.
17. So many things not to accomplish. So little time to blow them off.
18. As soon as I finish the photos for the blind people presentation.
19. I'm a perfectionist, stupid. Idle hands make no mistakes.
20. The palace of lies is built with bricks of fact. Here are the numbers.
21. Those damn subways.
22. Look. My tattoo told me not to. It's a sign from God.
23. Sorry, man. It's a medical issue. Sweat allergy.
24. Without my ass to keep it warm, the chair'll freeze to death.
25. I'm sorry I'm late. My right hand wore me out last night.
26. Calling in sick to tell you it's too nice a day to work.
27. Give me a minute. Need to figure out what not to get done first.
28. The rest? Where are the rest? At this point in our relationship you ask me a question like that?